Getting Supa Real

New motto..

#whothefcares .. Because I actually do.

How much to share? It's a question I often ask myself. Not directly like that.. more in the format of me having a inner dialog about something I've been feeling - where I'm talking to you all in my mind basically (kind of nuts? Any other writers/bloggers/creatives/humans do this?! Tell me I'm not alone!) Anyways, I'll suddenly stop and, in hindsight now, I've realized that I ask myself some of the same questions. And they are usually something along the lines of "Does anyone even care about that?" "Will this change their perspective of me/us?" "Will it come off the wrong way?" "How will me sharing this effect Jordi/Bailee/my family/etc. .." SO. MANY. CENSORS. MY LAWD. Exhausting. And limiting!

Background: In actuality, #whothefcares has been a long running joke with my sister since two years ago when she was messing around on my phone and discovered my super secret Insta account. Ya know, the one that I posted things to in order to see what my feed would look like and take lots and lots of extra time overanalyzing each pic (supa fun. not recommending.) and she was like "OMG WHAT IS THIS?! THIS IS AMAZING!!!" And I was all "Oh yeah.. that's my secret Insta.' And she was like "UMMM THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR REAL INSTA. WHY don't you post this stuff on your feed?!" (she was right for the record) And I explained that somewhere between posting it on my secret account and posting it on my real one I always thought "WHO THE F CARES?!" Like who cares what Riley was wearing today?! Who cares how I feel about xyz?! So we concluded that I should start posting it all and then add #whothefcares after every caption. Still sounds genius to me. But not the point of this post soo moving on! 

That, my friends, is how this hashtag came to be. But last night, #whothefcares popped into my mind in a way more meaningful way. This space was intended for me to share some of our highs and lows and, honestly, to give me an outlet for some of this clutter that seems to be common place in these 'Momma days.' Ry is super smart and Ev makes up in cuteness what she lacks in verbal skills, but neither of them are making me feel 'heard,' necessarily. Ha! I guess that would be kinda weird if they did, right? Ahahaha ANYWAYS- I put out a post yesterday that- not gonna lie- I regretted almost immediately. I generally know if a picture is going to do 'well' in the first few minutes, and it was EHHH and I was thinking "I knew it.. I was too honest. Too emo. Too much." I should have just inserted fire emojis or something because people like short. easy. glance-able (not a word by btw but you get it). And I get it. I like those things, too.

BUT THEN, I started getting some DMs. Just a few, but comments like "Thanks for showing its hard sometimes.' Some things about how 'lucky' Jordi and I are. And dreams of them 'finding this.' And honestly, I saw these comments and I thought WHO THE F CARES about the 'likes.' #WHOETHEFCARES??!?!?! If I can speak to someone else's heart for a half of a second- maybe be real about this gig being SUPER FREAKING HARD- or our marriage being ANYTHING but easy, but my LORD so worth it, then YES. That's the social media I want to be a part of. And I know this isn't some brilliant epiphany, because so many other women have been that for me.. the little sentence in the novel of a post (it's not just me!) that I could relate to so much that it shifted me in a way that made me feel better/do better/ be better. The blog post about cervical cancer. The blog post about hormones after pregnancy. The blog post about fear. And I think to myself right now, NONE of those women have ANY idea they touched my heart, yet them having the courage to put them in writing.. thinking past the 'what will they think' - changed me for the better. So from this point on, my peeps, it's going to be a less censored.. maybe less polite.. maybe less apologetic (hard one for me so not promises on that one).. but more #whothefcares kind of space around here- not because I don't care, but because I do. And if there is one person who needs to hear something that I have lived through and learned, I want it to be right here for them. Because SO many women on here have been right there for me. 

Thank you for being on this journey. And per usual- email, DM, comment on ANYTHING. Marriage, kids, my messy house, momm'ing, your high school boyfriend, being homesick.. ANYthing. Social media has so many 'negatives' .. let's milk the positives. What do ya say? Love and light.